Skip to main content

Did you fake your postpartum feelings?

After I returned to my in-laws place taking my new born, I found myself so fortunate to have such a wonderful husband. There are many more reason why I call him wonderful but that very time, he proved himself as the best father and the best husband. He was around us (me and our tiny baby) all the time. He was helping me in looking after our baby in every possible way he could. Even he was waking up with me during night whenever our baby cried for feed. As per my family convention, for few days after delivery, mother in-law stays with new mother (especially in night) so that she can help new mother in managing with the delicate baby. But my case was different. My husband was there and we both understood first few lessons of parenting together. This was the time when mothers usually come under the risk of postpartum depression. But because of my husband it didn't happen to me that time.
However, this doesn't mean I never had postpartum depression. I realized its presence when my husband left us, mother and son, at my in-laws place and returned back to Delhi. I was not alone but was feeling lonely. I was sleep deprived and mood swings made me feel worst. I didn't find anyone who could understand my feelings. Although my family members were trying to ease me but I needed a different approach for dealing with my inner self. And whenever anyone asked how I was feeling, my answers were, "I'm fine", "I’m okay. Everything’s great.", “Just little tired but I'm fine."
I lied and lied and lied my way through the darkest, tough time of depression. I was homesick and felt like running to my mother's place. I used to cry for my husband. I was more like a patient with painful stitches, sore breasts and tiredness. And I was responsible for advocating my own mental health and medical care. But the urge to appear like a strong mother dominated my desire for help, even though I have to pay for this. I refused to admit how much I was thrashed. I wanted my baby so much, but I was not aware of such emotions that would come along my baby. I needed a counselor or may be a doctor. But I knew that no one would understand why I needed a doctor when my baby was doing well.
With time things got okay leaving behind few dark days and few lessons for me. I understood three main points about postpartum depression:
1. Postpartum depression is natural and every mother faces it to some extent.
2. New mother should accept that this is not a permanent situation. This phase shall pass.
3. Key to come out of it is, "Speak". Share your feelings with others, with husband, family members. Let them understand what you are going through. 
I admit, this sounds like common sense, but it’s the hardest thing to do when you’re crawling through a tunnel of negativity. So for a new mother, faking her feelings never work and there is no reason to do this. Remember, "Postpartum depression is an illness that takes away a woman's ability to access joy..right at the time she needs it most." So tell the truth. Open up. You have to connect to the world again to break the desolation and distress around you. 
Listen This Post Stop Listening Post

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

#TheWomanThatIAm #RRxMM I am not the woman who..

I am not the mother who..
I am not the mother who stayed longer with her newborn, I resumed office when he was barely 2 months old. I am not the mother who witnessed each of my kid's milestones, I got to know them when being told. I am not the mother who could tell breastfeeding stories, my child is a formula-fed gold. I am not the mother who keeps the house spotless, I let my son scatter toys and go overbold. I am not the mother who manages a detailed list for parenting chores, I often keep my to-dos on hold. I am not the mother whom people admire, I hear people calling me selfish and cold.
ALSO I am a doting mother who tries to juggle between family and work every other minute.  I am a mother who watches silly cartoons with my boy.  I am a mother who repeatedly tells the same story every night.  I am a mother who cooks my son's favorite food every week.  And I am also a mother who is the closest person in my son's life!
I am not the wife who..
I am not the wife who has her biological…

My 'Invisible' Accomplishments #DecadeHop #RRxMM

As we entered 2020, through this post I am trying to contemplate the coolest, most daring, and most significant feats of my life during the last decade. Now the more I regress my memory, the more I feel there are two types of achievements or accomplishments that I can ponder upon; Visible and Invisible. Visible ones are those that I can count on my finger like a parrot and others can nod also. I got specs on, married to a not-so-romantic man, produced a baby, started writing and added good 17 kgs in my body volume (I was 50 in 2011). However, there are many invisible accomplishments too that either I know silently or very few can assert.

From 2011 to 2019, Who am I now

From a coy soul to now an outspoken woman, the trek was not easy. I achieved it. From being a no-makeup girl to now a lipstick swatches observer, the transition was tough. But it happened. And from being a sweet hater to now a sweet lover, the change was mysterious yet occurred. And now I can die for Gulab Jamuns. And I…

My Monsoon Love Hate Love Story

Last year, almost the same time, I packed every belonging of mine and landed to a place which is close to my heart. With bag and baggage, my family moved from Delhi to Lucknow. It was monsoon time when I came here and thank god I witnessed a prosperous rain. Lucknow, though smaller compared to Delhi, is a place I distinguish since childhood. The city of Nawabs is believed as the happiest city in India. As our move was well calculated, my husband and I made sure to have all those things in our lives that I missed being in Delhi. A bigger house (that we can afford), green surroundings, street food access that we missed in Delhi and people who talk in our native tongue.

The Hate Story

I hated the rain when I was in Delhi. My house was in a busy lane of a crowded Delhi locality, and I was living on the second floor of the building. Hence neither I had easy access to the road, nor to terrace. When it rained, I was forced to stay inside. Roads used to get sunk even after the rain of half an…