You can't escape unwanted advice that comes along the way as you become a mother. Concerned relatives, overfriendly neighbours and even enthusiastic strangers who spot you with your baby, everyone thinks it's their duty to share expert parenting tips with you, no matter how crazy or strange they are.
A few days ago, my husband and I were watching a debate show wherein some parenting experts were discussing why kids of today's generation are so inhuman at times. They all were referring recent brutal crime cases done by juveniles. Many parents and kids were the audiences of that panel discussion. They were also asking questions and confusion in front of the experts. That discussion hit me somewhere. Although some problem that they pointed out like; today's over-protective parents and misuse of technology, were really true. But for most of their opinions, I found myself disagreeing. I was making a connection how the similar advice I received from different people despite I didn't ask for it.
So have a look at some of the advice or suggestions that are ignored by me :
1. Never Say NO: Really? One of the most common suggestions that a first-time mom hears is, don't use the word `no' in front of the kid. This may make him/her learn to say "No" and the kid might get into the habit of saying NO often. Now I also feel constant No and denying everything to kid definitely affect his/her innocent mind. But not saying No is also not a good practice. How would kids then get to know about things that can hurt them? No is the easiest way!
2. Leave everything aside and attend your kid: During that expert panel discussion, I also heard that parents should leave everything and should attend the kid whenever he/she is coming to them. I disagree on this point as well. I don't think if I attend my son ALL THE TIME then only he would realize that I care for him. At times I prefer ignoring him. For example, if he is solving a puzzle and fails to find the right match, he comes to me. I ignore him and this makes him re-trying for solving the puzzle. I believe in quality time that I make sure to give my son every day. This could be just an hour of play that we both do together.
3. Plan your activities as per baby: Let me give an example of this. "Sleep when your baby sleeps"statement. I can never follow this when my boy was a newborn. I always felt if I sleep when my son sleeps, when am I supposed to bathe, eat, clean up and prepare his food? It is good to keep in mind your kid's schedule while you are planning your day. But this is not at all mandatory. And being a working mother, I never give any heed towards this parenting rule. I can't do this at all.
4. The first child need a company: Did you hear this from anyone? I have, many times. My son is 3 now and my relatives are so concerned when I am planning for the second child. I myself feel siblings play a crucial role in one's life. But I never get this logic. Apparently, this is the reason couples mostly need to plan for a second child. It is not because they want one, but because their firstborn needs company! As per doctors, a woman needs at least two years to completely come to terms with the changes her body has undergone after bearing a child. And I feel I am still recovering from my first pregnancy. If my child needs a company, I will try to be one.
5. Never yell at your kid: This can hurt him/her so deep. I really wish to meet a person who never yelled at his/her kids. I admit I lose my cool and yell at my son whenever his super naughty mind plans things. His continuous ignorance for what I am saying not to do, makes me go mad. After scolding him, I stay silent for some time and then attend him. I lovingly explain him the reason for my anger. I found this works well. But if I am given a task of staying calm no matter what is he doing, I would fail definitely.
A few days ago, my husband and I were watching a debate show wherein some parenting experts were discussing why kids of today's generation are so inhuman at times. They all were referring recent brutal crime cases done by juveniles. Many parents and kids were the audiences of that panel discussion. They were also asking questions and confusion in front of the experts. That discussion hit me somewhere. Although some problem that they pointed out like; today's over-protective parents and misuse of technology, were really true. But for most of their opinions, I found myself disagreeing. I was making a connection how the similar advice I received from different people despite I didn't ask for it.
So have a look at some of the advice or suggestions that are ignored by me :
1. Never Say NO: Really? One of the most common suggestions that a first-time mom hears is, don't use the word `no' in front of the kid. This may make him/her learn to say "No" and the kid might get into the habit of saying NO often. Now I also feel constant No and denying everything to kid definitely affect his/her innocent mind. But not saying No is also not a good practice. How would kids then get to know about things that can hurt them? No is the easiest way!
2. Leave everything aside and attend your kid: During that expert panel discussion, I also heard that parents should leave everything and should attend the kid whenever he/she is coming to them. I disagree on this point as well. I don't think if I attend my son ALL THE TIME then only he would realize that I care for him. At times I prefer ignoring him. For example, if he is solving a puzzle and fails to find the right match, he comes to me. I ignore him and this makes him re-trying for solving the puzzle. I believe in quality time that I make sure to give my son every day. This could be just an hour of play that we both do together.
3. Plan your activities as per baby: Let me give an example of this. "Sleep when your baby sleeps"statement. I can never follow this when my boy was a newborn. I always felt if I sleep when my son sleeps, when am I supposed to bathe, eat, clean up and prepare his food? It is good to keep in mind your kid's schedule while you are planning your day. But this is not at all mandatory. And being a working mother, I never give any heed towards this parenting rule. I can't do this at all.
4. The first child need a company: Did you hear this from anyone? I have, many times. My son is 3 now and my relatives are so concerned when I am planning for the second child. I myself feel siblings play a crucial role in one's life. But I never get this logic. Apparently, this is the reason couples mostly need to plan for a second child. It is not because they want one, but because their firstborn needs company! As per doctors, a woman needs at least two years to completely come to terms with the changes her body has undergone after bearing a child. And I feel I am still recovering from my first pregnancy. If my child needs a company, I will try to be one.
5. Never yell at your kid: This can hurt him/her so deep. I really wish to meet a person who never yelled at his/her kids. I admit I lose my cool and yell at my son whenever his super naughty mind plans things. His continuous ignorance for what I am saying not to do, makes me go mad. After scolding him, I stay silent for some time and then attend him. I lovingly explain him the reason for my anger. I found this works well. But if I am given a task of staying calm no matter what is he doing, I would fail definitely.
Nice post.
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