Our kids need a balance of Boundaries and Freedom

When you come across the word “Boundary”, what is the first thought that comes to your mind? For many people, a boundary means something which abjures you from doing what you wish to do. However, for me, this word ‘boundary’ has a deeper meaning. Whenever I think about it, I get to remember my childhood. 

There was a park near to my house, where all the kids of my locality used to play. This park had a well-formed boundary around it. The boundary wall used to be so standing out as it was propitious in many ways. Although the wall had an average height, it was sufficient to give the notion of borderline. There were plants and a beautiful grass garden inside of the park. We kids used to play there all the time. In fact, the park used to be the heart of our locality. And the boundary was the reason of park’s pragmatism.

Slowly people broke the boundary wall. They took the bricks to their houses for making pillars of their house gates. With each brick going anywhere else, the park started losing its charm. Soon there was no boundary at all. Now usefulness of the park slacked off and with vanishing grass, dirt occupied all the space inside. In absence of grass, the dirt often used to reach inside the houses around because of the summer thunderstorms.  Without any boundary, any one could head inside and that’s why it had become the shelter of many stray animals. Kids who used to play inside the park started playing on the roads because there had become a strong hold of animals and rain created mud inside. And finally, people realized the importance of boundary. It was rebuilt then. 

I am sharing this story to make my point little easier to understand. The boundary is not an absolutely repugnant term and we all need some kind of boundary around us to keep us awake and vigilant. The park lost its importance because the boundary disappeared. Similarly, in absence of boundaries in life, people tend to cross the limits and face unfortunate things. A boundary can be positive as well as negative. Positive which keeps us safe and negative stops us going far. However, there should be a balance of positive and negative boundaries in life and this is even more crucial for kids.

Adults can bear the cost of crossing boundaries but kids may not. When we tell them don’t play outside the house, they feel it’s the boundary of space they are allowed to use. But, the reason why we tell so to our kids is that we want them to stay safe inside. Kids don’t have this farsightedness to understand why parents are putting this or any other boundary. So, as parents, it’s our responsibility to make them understand why we need boundaries in life. And boundaries are not always hindering. They open doors of more substantial living. They are needed the same way as freedom is needed in lives of our kids. Parents are supposed to give freedom and set boundaries both to raise a confident and understanding human being. 

I am not an advocate of extremely permissive parenting. And I do believe kids need boundaries and limits to feel safe. They need boundaries to fear from the negative consequence of evil deeds. They need boundaries to keep themselves away from dreadful decisions that they might take in absence of any limit. 

However, setting and enforcing them is tricky, especially if you want to avoid compulsion and threatening. And let’s face it, kids push the boundaries every day, all the time. But then we need to be ready to set it back. You see, our limits actually teach kids to set limits for themselves, which is otherwise known as self-discipline. And we want self-discipline in our kids, right?

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