#MondayMommyMoments My journey as an introvert soul

This week’s prompt is something I can relate myself very much. I have faced many such incidents in my life, when just because I could not gather the courage to take action, I accepted failure without even trying. I am completely opposite personality as compared to my parents and my younger sister. All of them are outspoken and believe in speaking mind. My mother says getting your mind clean with speaking is much better than keeping your thoughts inside and feel suffocated. Despite, she was with me all the time, still I had to struggle a lot to change my basic nature of speaking less and feeling shy.

I don’t exactly remember when it started but the very first incident I can recall is when I was in class fifth. During the class, two of my classmates were talking. They were sitting behind me so I was able to listen what they were saying. Their talks made me laugh a bit and at the same moment, the teacher caught me. He asked me why I was laughing and talking. I got so scared and couldn’t explain the reason of my laugh. He punished me hitting with a duster on my hands. He kept asking the reason and even though I was in pain, still I couldn’t utter a word in my defense. Both of my class mates went to the teacher next day and accepted that they made me laugh. The same teacher then came to me and apologized in front of the whole class. When I think about this little happening, I feel happy that my class mates accepted the truth and finally my teacher apologized. But at the same time, I pity my timidness that I couldn’t even oppose him saying I was not talking.  

Slowly I realized that I used to panic in the situations when someone scolded me or talked to me in high pitch. I hated going to the public gatherings and didn't like to initiate conversation with new people. Although I was a bright student who had very supportive parents and encouraging friends. Still, the level of confidence in me was very low. When my parents noticed this lack of confidence, they thought to cheer me up more. To be more confident, I started taking part in many competitions and extra activities. My father took the onus and he used to help me in preparing speeches and debates. With best of efforts, I always secured some prize; first, second or third. My parent’s house is still decorated with the trophies I won. This fixed things a bit. 

Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the marks that I was expecting in class 10th and again my introvert nature overpowered. I stopped going outside fearing people asking about my result. I denied every public interaction and parties after that. I always hated people who used to ask me about my studies and my future plans. Even if my mother took me to any family function, I used to sit silently in a corner whereas my sister always made new friends in every such family gathering. I used to wonder how could she talk with a stranger so openly?

My parents were very aware of my nature and they tried their best to make me more friendly. But many times, I panicked and opted to stay mum. This problem continued to my college. Before my graduation, I was in all-girls school and graduation course was a co-ed which made my condition even worse. I suspected shaming from boys of my college batch. I rarely talked with any of them. And that’s why they had given me the title “arrogant bird”. I felt very bad when I came to know that they made my fun with this title. Then I joined my post-graduation course and the time from counseling till admission was a big nightmare for me. I used to cry thinking how would I be able to go so far from my parents for three years long course!! I had no option but to come to Delhi and pursue my course. The first year was horrible. Being an introvert, I was never able to answer questions in the class. I used to feel very low and very much an underperformer. 

Then I did a big mistake of my life. A renounced company conducted campus selection and having good academic record only a few students could sit in it. I was also one of them. I cleared the written test of the screening process and next round declared was a group discussion. I started sweating thinking how would I be able to talk to unknown people. I skipped sitting in GD. No matter how much my batch mates tried to convince me for GD, I couldn’t gather courage. Howbeit, this was the last time, I did something because of my shy and introvert nature. By the end of my course, I changed a lot. I learned from my own mistakes and from my own failures. Day by day I improved myself. 

I read what all other ladies have written for making an introvert child more friendly and I second all of them. Such child needs a lot of support, encouragement, appreciation and time to come out of his/her shell. They all have written so beautifully and they are right as rain. But you know, I had all this in my life, still, I carried my introvert personality for many years. 

I know most of the ladies don’t agree with my view point but I feel if somehow my parents would have strictly told me to speak more and express more, I could have done better. Like an ideal family, they never forced me. They always respected my willingness and that’s where I took the liberty to not speak up, avoid family functions and new people. Just like, they were strict about eating veggies, if they had done the same kind of thing to break my introvert shell, I could have achieved more success in life. 

With this long post, all I am trying to convey that everything like encouragement, appreciation is needed to make an introvert child more friendly. But some kind of enforcement is also needed. In the movie Kung-fu Panda, there is a dialog "Sometimes we do wrong initially to make it right for later". I always feel I needed a push to break my own demureness and loner instinct. Although, some part of my silent nature often comes back and my husband knows this. So, he helped me to come out of it. And slowly I am learning to control this as well. However, I am more confident and friendly now, and this has been testified with my childhood buddies. 

This post is for #Mondaymommymoments 36 and Linked with Deepa 

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