Although marriage is a bond of love between a bride and a groom made of seven vows, it is sometimes more about the relation between the bride and the groom's mother. With the 7 vows of marriage, a bride also gets a strange relationship with her 'Mother in law'. The relationship of a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law is mostly described as competitive and at a bargain. In some happy families, both these ladies share a beautiful union. But, in some complex ones, this relationship is an example of a bitter truth that can neither be accepted nor be abandoned. I remember a comedy show directed by Sachin (Tu-Tu Mai-Mai) that I had watched on TV when I was a child. The argument between daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law in that show was intended to make people laugh. But in reality it does not stand so funny. Since daughter-in-laws, in our society, are not supposed to make any argument with their mother-in-laws and the following questions keep the daughter-in-laws troubled inside:
1. When your son is single, I can understand your questing behave as you are performing your duty to question, probe and give advice about selecting a girl. But once he is married, why you still continue to give advice about whom should have he married? What are the better qualities other girls have than I?
2. Why do you criticize your daughter-in-law when food is burnt or house is mess or you get less attention? Is your son a perfect man to do everything really well?
3. Why don't you accept the new girl in your son's life as important as you are for your husband? There is a new relation in its inception stage which needs some time from both of them only for each other. The whole of pi of your son's attention is now divided among more people and your share of this pi is naturally smaller now.
4. Why can't you treat your son and daughter-in-law both as your children? She has left her family to become a new member of your family. Why it's so hard to accept her and give her a little extra affection in getting familiar with your family conventions?
5. When you will stop taking your son's side always? You always have a big biased attitude for judging your daughter-in-law on different standards. Don't you think you should not be judgmental that only your son is right all the time?
6. When you will accept that all of us have different ways of making the house? Does the way your daughter-in-law cooks really matters ? Or how she folds laundry is really an important point to shout? When your son lives away, its her wife's right manage home and if you come to live with them do not assume that even color on walls will be of your choice.
7. Why can't you let your son and daughter-in-law give some time in private at least when they are on a valentine's day date? There are certain emotions need to be shared out of their bedroom. Do you really want anyone to explain all this to you?
8. Don't always add fuel to fire when your son and daughter-in-law fall in a dispute. You are morally responsible to save his relation not to break it by supporting your son and accusing your daughter-in-law every time.
9. When will you stop comparing your virtues as a 'had been daughter-in-law' with your own daughter-in-law? You both belong to two different generations and there cannot be any similarity of the kind you expect. Time has changed from 'All India Radio' to 'Twitter' and pushing your daughter-in-law back would make her unable to contribute to your grand-children's nurturing.
10. Why is your son still expected to handover all the pennies he earns into your hands? He also has a family to run and you would not understand the importance of every expense or investment the new generation makes.
11. Why do you think you owe all the rights to lock the jewelries of your daughter-in-law? It's really her time to wear them and feel beautiful and if you keep them locked in your almirah then there is no pointing in giving jewelries to her in 'Public'.
12. When will you start making a change in you daily routine and especially in your eating habits? You always wish to eat things you are prescribed not to eat and then you blame your daughter-in-law for not taking your care. She has other people to look after and you can be at least sincere.
13. When you don't think your daughter-in-law should spend much time at her parents place, why do you let your daughter present at your home every next day? You are expected to treat both your daughter and daughter-in-law nearly equal.
14. Why is that a big issue if your daughter-in-law wants to work even after getting married or having children? There is enough rationale that support working women culture and your son and daughter-in-law are partners in life not master or slaves, let them share their responsibilities.
15. When you will understand that comparing your daughter-in-law with your friend's daughter-in-law is absolutely absurd? NO NO. No one is perfect in this world, not even you. And instead of comparing her, why don't you encourage her to improve where she is lacking?
You can definitely take example of movie Baghbaan in stating that your daughter-in-law does not behave good with you. But do remember that movie also states,"Parents are like the trees and children are their fruits; Trees do not eat their fruits themselves, they produce it for others' benefit." As the roots of your families' tree, it is your responsibility to supply love and care to bind all the branches without any discrimination. Keeping double standards for your son and daughter-in-law and not treating her equal is like comparing between your two eyes. Be a responsible mother-in-law!
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