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God please forgive me..A Letter to God

God please forgive me..
Because I was involved in a murder.. murder of my unborn child.Yes, I got my abortion willingly done. Not because I knew it's sex and I had any specific choice. When I came to know about it, my womb was only 4 weeks old. It might had a size of a poppy seed only. It was in its most vulnerable stage. I started feeling it long back as something unusual was happening inside my stomach but I was ignoring it. It came as undesirable surprise to me.
God please forgive me..
I couldn't bring this growing womb into this world. Because I care for it and I do care for my another child. This was not the first time I was pregnant. I have a year old child with me. I may not be able to nurture two children together. I am a woman of middle class family. I don't have many luxuries to give to my child. I am raising him with the minimum I have. All my understanding and calculations end up having enough for bringing up a single child.I have to plan for my son's future. 
God please forgive me..
Perhaps I'm a practical person, I care for people who are in front of me. I care for my husband who is working hard for earning living for us. I don't want to put any more burden over him. I care for my one year old tot. He hardly understands this world. He is dependent upon me in entirety.Only thing he does by himself is giving me a beautiful smile when he feels happy. I am addicted to his smiling face. I don't want to lessen my attention for him. I don't want to share my love for him with any one else. I became selfish that moment.
God please forgive me..
I am already facing a punishment.No one cares for my emotions of loosing something which was a part of me. For others, it was more an unwanted wish which is now banished. But for me, it was both emotional and physical cost. My punishment is these hormonal changes which are still in my body. They are reminding me every second that I did an injustice.I still have nausea.My back is still hurting but there is nothing left in my womb. I am shattered and culpable. Still I am requesting mercy from you.
God please forgive me..
These words are for all those mothers who have had faced an abortion. Not because they are gender biased, but they think by hurting her-selves, they are supporting their families. Abortion, if it is good for unborn and for carrying mother, should be respected.I don’t think abortions are something that women decide to do on the spur of the moment or because they haven’t carefully considered all their options, and I support adoption IF that is what a woman decides she wants to do. A woman can love kids, can have them and can be a pro-choice also. It's not shameful to have abortion. Under certain rules, having abortion is also legal in our country. So mothers don't feel bad about it,with time you'll be out of it. Thinking about your family is always the best thing a woman does. 
This post is not to hurt anyone but this is about my thoughts over a subject "Is abortion fair/unfair ?"

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